A little older and a lot more fabulous

It feels like just yesterday I was a carefree child with no worries or responsibilities. Those days have long since passed. As I enter into my 39th year I am able to reflect on the past 12 months and feel gratitude. Gratitude toward this beautiful, chaotic and exhausting life of mine...

This past year I believe I struggled more than ever before. I entered into surgical menopause last year which seemed to greet me with open arms and a swift kick in the rear. The lack of hormones in my body had the complete opposite effect on me as I had hoped. I used to think, “Awesome, I can wear white whenever I want, I don’t ever have to buy tampons again.“ Let me tell you, the exhaustion I feel is not worth it. Heck, I don’t even think I own anything white. From a neurology standpoint, my Chiari Malformation remains unsteadily steady, and my overall pain has reached its all time high. I've experienced week long bouts of neck stiffness, joint pain, carpal tunnel pain...and lets not forget the infamous recurring headaches. All of which are within my definition of normal, as awful as that sounds...its my daily life, 365 days a year.

What I can say about this past year is that there have been miraculous changes that brought glimmers of hope that my 39th year will be one of the best yet. I have so much to be thankful for this year. My children are healthy and sometimes happy... they have had some moments of positive interaction with one another, which is a blessing in itself. I have received referrals to see a spine specialist in Rockford, Illinois as well as one at UW Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin. I have become more confident in my new position at work, as I am no longer a child welfare worker and am now working with children who have cognitive delays and mental health diagnoses combined. Hormonally my hot flashes have subsided and my hair seems to be falling out a little less each day. I have people in my life who care for me and support me no matter what...and last but not least, a very darling little girl has come into my life....Miss Avery Lynn promoted me to "Gamma" on October 8, 2019, and all of my struggles, fears, and pains have taken a back seat to the love I have for her and my children. Neck pain or not, if Avery wants to dance around the kitchen with the Dumbo soundtrack on repeat that is just what we will do.