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I’ve yo-yo dieted on and off for the last 15 years. I’ve done weight watchers, calorie counting, and excessive exercising. Before chiari malformation and menopause I had been successful in losing weight, but never maintaining it for more than 12 months. In the past year I have found I need to work three times as hard to see any results on the scale. I will admit I could try harder. Maybe eat less and be more active. Who am I kidding? The only running I will do is after an ice cream truck.
I am doing my best to come to terms with this new body I am living in since my hysterectomy last year. The changes are not only physical, but emotional as well. Trust me when I tell you this; there is nothing scarier than a menopausal woman trying to find something to wear. I could try on 20 different shirts, get pissed that none of them look right, or one accentuates my stomach more than the other, and then throw everything in the corner of the room. Its as if I'm putting them in a time out as punishment for making me look fat. That's right, I blame the clothing and not the bag of Trolli gummy worms I ate on the way home from the store tonight. Oh the gummy worms! My weakness. Let's be real here, depriving ourselves of the things we enjoy because we need to do these low carb, no sugar, can only eat bacon...diet fads is so unfair. How I wish I could be okay with what I desperately try to hide.
I'm not knocking dieting. What works for some people may or may not work for me, or anyone else for that matter. My thought process goes to how does one be happy with themselves? What does it take to show some self-love and be kind to ourselves despite some extra pounds or whatever else it is that has us self-conscious? God knows my list is piling up!
Countless weeks have come and gone where I have said, “I’ll start my diet on Monday.” What I need to do is stop waiting for Monday to come around and commit right now to making lifestyle changes where I am taking back my health. I can start with losing the weight I want to lose in an effort to get my clothes out of solitary confinement. First things first, I need to find my motivation and stop looking for it in the bottom of chip bags. Definitely easier said than done.
My message here to myself and to anyone struggling with taking the next steps to improved health. Be kind to yourself. Recharge when you need to. Indulge if you have to and don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes. Every morning is a new day to try again. Remember, you can’t pour even a milkshake from an empty cup.
