I will not keep calm. I will raise Hell and break stuff.
As I walk down to the kitchen this morning, entering into the never ending realm of unfinished construction projects, stepping over the sander on the still unsanded stairs, pulling open the make shift tent that was constructed to keep the construction messes contained to the kitchen, I am reminded of these two simple words, "Calm down." The famous last words of my husband. Okay, not really, but it was close. This was a text exchange he and I had Saturday morning as I was leaving the clinic after an attempt to have blood work done. The receptionist failed to acknowledge my existence, so I left. All the while remaining fairly calm. You see, my husband failed to recall where I was going that morning which of course had me overthinking how he doesn't listen to me, or doesn't care what I have happening in my life. Here is where the "less calm," according to my dear husband, part of me came into play. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on him, after all, we have an overload of projects taking place at home and he and I are both feeling the stress, but, "Calm down"...really?
There are so many things happening in my life and perhaps I am not handling them as gracefully as I should be. Although, when one is emptying the washing machine by hand at 12 am, it doesn't really allow for the dainty gloves to be worn. I don't manage stress very well, Ill be the first to admit that. I am a suffer in silence until the pot boils over type of lady. Last year when I entered into menopause, the boiling over became more like a pressure cooker exploding, only picture it full of pot roast and potatoes and envision that your scraping it off the ceiling....yep, that is a menopausal mood swing. Lets face it, everyone of us ladies will at some point in our lives experience menopause. And I pray for the sake of your loved ones, hell, for all of mankind, that no one tells you to, "Calm down!"
Everyday I seem to be learning something new about myself. I know I am pretty bad ass. The things I deal with in a day would make most curl up on the floor and want to die. Just as I am sitting here typing the pain in the right side of my neck is screaming for me to get Biofreeze. I continue to face hurdles everyday which in the moment appear impossible to overcome. Most recently I have learned there are concerns with my liver enzymes which require further testing, hence the reason for the unsuccessful lab visit this weekend, as well as my physician has put me on cholesterol medications, because clearly I am "not addressing these issues on my own with diet and exercise." What is she trying to say? I'm sure I do overreact from time to time and with all that I go through and continue to live through, being a mother, a wife, a general contractor as of late, working full time, juggling the finances, and renovation plans, all while suffering through menopause and Chiari Malformation. I think I have earned the right to have some moments of sheer bitchiness, so maybe don't assume I need to calm down and just let me experience my emotions. What could be helpful is offering support when it is warranted, and if you cant do that, simply step aside until the storm passes. I do not come with a warning light, so proceed with caution.